Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[omms]

Hi I’m new here I live with my partner and his 20 yr old son who has been diagnosed with early onset schizophrenia . it’s been hard for all of us He like many is not compliant with many of the things he is supposed to do to stay and get healthy and as he is an adult it’s hard to make he do what he should it’s exhausting but the latest in a string of things has pushed me to a point of  mental issue for me . He has a porn addiction which I know but I have stayed away from that issue as his dad’s partner none of my business he spends hours in his room studying as he is at Uni for now . I can deny what ever else is going on in there but he left a sex toy in our shower and now I can’t bring myself to shower I know in my rational head don’t be silly but I clean that that shower I shower in there but knowing what he is doing in there just grosses me out I know this is a petty problem to most but I think it’s the straw that broke the camels back His not taking his meds his not being pro active in his own care his leaving mess everywhere and being home all the time is doing my head in the sex toy was the last straw I just can’t look at him his dad said don’t leave your sex toys in the shower he said it was an accident but my overthinking is out of control doesn’t think it was an accident I hope it was but I wish I hadn’t seen that I feel so ick about having a shower and cleaning it I m showing at the gym I just can’t seem to get over it 

[tyme]

Hey @omms ,

I'm sorry you are experiencing this at the moment. I hear how hard it is not to feel safe in your own home. 

Have you had a sit-down discussion with your partner about the boundaries that should be set with his 20 year old? Despite being diagnosed with schizophrenia, is it something that stops him from getting out, getting a job and helping himself?

Sometimes, as much as we try to 'help' people, we may inadvertently make them more and more dependent.

Does he have a treating team who can look into supports for him?

[omms]

Hi he does have a team but it’s his lack of social skills and interaction that has made him unable to do or want to do things he feels are of no benefit to him His dad is at a loss as to how to fix things between me and his son so am I I have reached out to another service for me and his Dad is trying busy trying to get him though his exams I’m trying not make things worse

[tyme]

It sounds like these are the people who need to support you son in helping him develop the social skills he needs to function @omms .

He's on the NDIS?

[omms]

Yes he is on the NDIS that was a so hard to get the cost and the paperwork is not easy but we finally got it now trying to get the people we need is a next hard thing as he is not pro active about getting help thinks he doesn’t need it and as he is an adult we can’t force he to do anything 

He is seeing his phycologist I think I’m expecting to much most of the time it’s hard as I have two older children who are both adults both had moved out of home when they were in their late teens . I’m trying to learn more about schizophrenia and be more supportive but it’s just so  hard 

[omms]

Thanks for listening to me I have no one to talk to about all this stuff

[lavenderhaze]

Hey @omms,

I thought I'll check in with you since it's been a couple of days - how're you going?

[PeppyPatti]

Hi @omms 

I was happily married to a schizophrenic for 10 years. The last one year was pretty hairy and I had to go. 

We are best friends today although I have another partner. It's difficult because I can't " care," for him like I used to and seriously I don't want to.

Mental health in my state has I guess gotten better throughout the years. 

I'm wondering -  one thing that got me through was I joined a well facilitated group called Mental Health Matters 2 in Western Australia. I think their meetings have gone Australia wide.  

For years, I  carried my burdens to this group and let it all go. 

The group changed laws for mental health in this state that were old.

One thing I do remember is that my ex husband explained to me - when he turned 50 was that he had to 'own,' the illness to become responsible. 

Maybe you need to look into caring for you like - perhaps - I remember I loved having a cup of tea ☕ first thing in the morning alone.

But your not alone. There are wonderful groups of people who get what your dealing with 🌿💖💖

@lavenderhaze @tyme 

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @PeppyPatti , that's so helpful to read.

It's incredible that you continue to be such good friends with your ex. And that's totally okay.

[PeppyPatti]

Yes he's very important to me.