26-02-2020 08:55 PM
26-02-2020 08:55 PM
Strategies around that are a hard ask... often the simplest one is to smile as if it's all OK... but that kind of smokescreen is isolating in its own way
I used to do this a lot.
On of the most freeing things I ever did was when a work supervisor asked how thing were wit the family. I started with the above mentioned smile and yea we all good. Then the smile Kind of broke and followed up with. Actually things are not ok. Darling is in hospital after sa and under supervision due to high risk of follow up.
Felt so guilty for divulging that info but at the same time a huge weight was lifted.
Previous admissions the only people who were aware darling was away were obviously the children but my mum and darlings parents.
It is a good indication of the level of social isolation when darling can disappear for up to 4 weeks and No one even notices she is away.
I suppose what I am trying to say by that example is that it can help..a lot..to have someone safe to confide in. Finding that 'safe' and trust worthy someone is the challenge. I have opened up a lot more since that time. Sometimes possibly too much. But it is so much healthier than bottling it up and trying to manage alone.
26-02-2020 08:56 PM - edited 26-02-2020 09:02 PM
26-02-2020 08:56 PM - edited 26-02-2020 09:02 PM
And of course. Being able to share here on the forum has helped me to navigate a very dark chapter for our family.
26-02-2020 09:18 PM
26-02-2020 09:18 PM
@Determined, I've commented to Hubby that I should wear a badge that says:
"Don't ask "How's the family" or "What's your line of work".
Religion and politics are safe topics as long as you keep it respectful!"
The former two questions... they're the standard social chit-chat, but such a minefield when one (or more) of the kids are definitely not doing OK, and being a carer means than any career pathway plans have gone totally out the window.
The people who really understand what's happening, so that you can be open with them, are absolute treasures. We had that very much illustrated during the past week. One family connection we heard back about who was very upset/angry that we weren't up there to spend time with Mum sooner, and why haven't we sold their house yet? contrasted with another long time family friend whose son has struggled with serious MI, and she was so supportive. 🙂
Am hoping we can talk it through with the former lady. She's also a very caring person, but she doesn't know what we're dealing with behind the scenes.
26-02-2020 09:30 PM
26-02-2020 09:30 PM
26-02-2020 09:44 PM
26-02-2020 09:44 PM
@Smc I hate being asked what I do for work. Uni has been a good cover but that is starting to raise more questions because I have been at it for so long. K8nd of hard to not feel inferior.
26-02-2020 10:44 PM
26-02-2020 10:44 PM
@Determined, I tend to avoid exhibitions, particularly ones that include ceramics. We used to go out to lots of those, kids in tow and all. But it hurts seeing people I've been in classes with, or people I've previously exhibited with, moving ahead and developing their work when my workspace is gathering dust because I haven't even had the time and mental energy to pack up the area properly. One of those bits of background grief that can be so hard to explain. Makes it worse when well meaning people tell me I should just go ahead and get back into it if I miss it so much... yeah, nah. Not possible. 😞
So... the grief of life's plans put indefinitely on hold, and the loss of workplace and related social settings are other isolating factors. And just the plain old grief.
Sorry... feeling a bit flat tonight.
26-02-2020 10:51 PM
26-02-2020 10:51 PM
27-02-2020 12:38 AM
27-02-2020 12:38 AM
One strategy I find useful is
saying something like:
"life took an unexpected turn which . ..
... resulted in things being put on hold
. .. necessitated a change in direction
27-02-2020 05:38 PM
27-02-2020 05:38 PM
hello and tender hugs @Blip , @Sophia1 , @Smc , @Determined , @Former-Member , @Former-Member , @Mrsjones , @Jay-e , @Former-Member , @Boo13 , @outlander , @Former-Member
what have you done today towards caring for yourself
ammmmmm that is a good question
27-02-2020 06:09 PM
27-02-2020 06:09 PM
Thank you for asking.
Today I took myself to a cafe near work, just sat alone had a coffee and a salad wrap. I would not normally do that and it felt great. Just reading the paper.
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