14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Hi @Andirose, thank you so much for the suggestion, i will get some tomrrow, i do need something, because i get RLS so often now, i can never sleep when i get it.

I really like  the quote you put at the bottom of your messages, it does help to hear things over and over, especially such a beautiful saying.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read the thread and thank you even more for joining in on the conversation, means a lot to me, knowing i am not alone.

Take care

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

Well i am sure you are at your mindfullness classes and/or information classes, i know you will be in a real panic, and not handling it well, so i thought i would write something nice for you to read when you get back to your room.

Well the day is slightly overcast, looks like we might get a little more rain, the smell of rain is in the air, the calf is having a feed of grain, the other cattle are lying under a big gum tree, the chickens are scratching around, and enjoying their veggie scraps, sometimes they sing, it is so nice to hear them every once in a while, miss piggy is enjoying her mud bath after last nights rain, she is covered, she even managed to get mud all over her back (i don't know how!!!) and the lambs are jumping around the base of the tree.

The wildlife, well it is busy as usual, the finches are eating the spiders in the pencil pines and the minor birds are getting worms from under the lime lights, (and digging up my garden!!!!!!!!)  aaaaaah, well looks like this weekend some more raking, they leave such big holes under the trees.

I am having another lazy day, i just can't seem to get any motivation, i do a few minutes, maybe an hour then i am buggered.  so frustrating.

Well my angel, my thoughts are with you, i hope you enjoyed reading about the animals.

Take care, big hugs

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques you're so lucky to have all that to distract you thanks for sharing. It's like I'm there with you.

The classes are so difficult I'm shaking and hard to breathe, all I did was look at the floor. My nurse had to do breathing meditation with me before I went to the next class.

I don't remember anything that was said it all seemed very strange and disjointed I've been given a 200 page work book to complete. I couldn't even spell my surname yesterday on all the admitting papers.

I an thinking of you my friend. Thanks for sharing your sleeping bag.

Take care

Karen

[Jacques]

Oh i am glad it helped my angel, i do love talking about the animals, i have a funny story for you.

Mum was having an afternoon nap this afternoon, she was reading a book when she could hear crunching and heavy breathing out side, wondering who or what it was she looked out the window and their where the flock of sheep from the next farm, they had manage to get out 

I know how hard this all must be for you, you are so strong, i could not do what you are doing.  I am glad a nurse sat with you and helped with your breathing, their is no shame in looking at the floor, that is how i cope going anywhere, it is like a form of isolation when you can't be alone.

I have the same problem, i can't remember anything when i have to go to an appointment or anything, i forget my name, phone number and even my pin number some times, so you are not alone their, it will probably be good having a work book to distract, take your time, i am sure they do not expect it to be done today, do it as you feel you can.

You are in my thoughts always, i will have to buy you a sleeping bag, we seem to share mine a lot, i don't mind though being clost to such a wonderful woman and friend. 

[hiddenite]

Oh Jacques that is funny I hope your mum didn't get to much of a fright.

I'm sure it wasn't easy to get them back to their paddock.

Are you trying to kick me out of your sleeping bag!!!!!

We j you had just better get used to me hanging around and that means sharing. I don't smell you know. Only of essential oils and sandalwood

I hope you managed a rest today. I'm reallyphysically and emotionally drained.

Having to be around strange people is exhausting.

There are two men here that wear the same deodorant as my husband. I'm triggered more in here that normal.

I wish I was back in my car.

I really want to discharge myself.

[hiddenite]

Hey Jacques you are probably cooking dinner about now. Hope it's better than hospital food. Yuck

The girls are coming in for a visit tonight, so you won't have to worry about sharing your sleeping bag:-)

I hope you have a quiet evening and a nice hot shower.

Take care

[Jacques]

Oh KAren that is wonderful, i am so glad the girls are comming to see you, i am just about to cook tea, so enjoy your visit, i hope their is lots of cuddles and kisses.

Oh mum did get a fright, yes it was quite funny watching the farm hand round them all up.

Oh no my angel, not at all, i just thougth a special security blanket for my best friend would be nice.

You know me Karen, an only child, i don't share well, 

I know how drained you would be, having the adrenaline running 24/7 must be so hard, just remember to breath.

Oh no, well, maybe having the smell trigger and seeing they are not going to hurt you may help? i know how much you every being wants to be out of their and back to the safty of your car, but try to make the most of it.

I am always here if you need me my friend, sorry for not responding earlier, stupid email did not ring 

Well i will be here tonight if you want to talk when the girls leave. i know their will be much tears from them, so be gental with yourself and them.

Take care

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

I'm glad you didn't have to round up the sheep. I bet that looked funny.

Omg it was so difficult to see the girls I hate seeing them upset.

The nurse today told me to pretend that I was still sitting in my car, yea that just isn't going to work. I felt so humiliated as she said it in front of others. I know it's not normal to sit in the car all the time, but it's my secret I don't want anyone else to know.

Well that only child that isn't good at sharing had better start practicing because he has himself a best friend now, that would do anything for him and I like to hang out with him. 

Big hugs my friend

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

Oh yes, it was quite a sight, it took him quite a while to round them up too, the little buggers wanted the grass on the other side of the fence, it must have been greener 

Oh yes i would only imagine how hard that was, i do hope you got to spend some quality time with them, and i hope when you get home it will be a new beginning for you all.

Yeah i know, i have been told to imagine a safe place when i am out, it does nto work when your adrenaline is going, and you are right some things should be kept in private, the nurse should have asked if it was ok to say to the group.  Karen everyone has a safe place, please try not to feel ashamed of this, mine is the shower. so you are not alone.  Maybe ask her nicely to not devolge any more of your info in front of the others. can you do that?

Oh i don't know if i can share, maybe i will have to go it alone again , oh alright for my best friend i will make an acception!!!!!

Big hugs to you too my angel, i lit another Sandlewood insense stick for you this afternoon.

[hiddenite]

I hope your mum likes sandalwood you must have the place smelling beautiful. It is quite mesmerizing watching them burn down.

I will try to say something I think I'm a bit of a joke now the girl that has spent over 2 years isolating herself in the car. Don't they get how scary the rest of the world is for me including me.

I'm heading off to bed it's been a exhausting day.

My thoughts are always with you.