14th year house bound

[hiddenite]

No need to apologize Jacques I understand you have a life away from me.

Next time someone asks do you have a girl friend you can say yes. I'm a girl and I'm your best friend. So no need to worry about that.

I'm really worried that I told someone what's going on . No there is just a cupboard to keep your things in, so if anyone want to take anything they can.

I would be very grateful to have you as my bodyguard Jacques I seem to attract people who abuse me, I don't know why. Maybe they see me as pathetic and weak an easy target.

Thanks for your support j

[Jacques]

Oh my angel, 

I know i have a sort of a life, but i want to support you as much as possible, you are my best friend.

That is so nice of you, it is just small town bigitory, i know if i was in the city i would not have this stigma, not to mention if it was not for the girlfriend thing they would find something else to gossip about, it is just how small towns work.  i did not grow up here so that makes things worse, i am seen as an outsider.

Karen i am proud of you for telling someone, you have the right to be left alone, if she can't do that on her own it is the hospitals responsibility to keep you safe.  If talking to me is causing you any problems with her, i will stop talking to you for a while if that will help.

Karen i think you have problems with people abusing you because of your size, being short makes you an easy target, and if you can't stand up for yourself, abusers can sense that, it is not that you are weak or pathetic, they just need someone easy to pick on for their own insecurities, i would never allow you to be treated in such a way if i where their.

Karen i will always support you, always, you are my best friend.  You are my guardian angel.

[hiddenite]

Talking to you Jacques has helped me more than anything.

You are more helpful than medication and hospital. Because you understand and don't judge me.

I am so grateful to have you as my friend. One day I might learn how to stand up for myself. I'm not so sure that is possible. I've spent so long being treated badly, it's all I know.

How's the anxiety Jacques?

Do you need me to sit with you for awhile?

Hope your hot shower helped.

[Jacques]

Oh my angel,

Thank you so much, i did not know i had such an impacked on you, i am so proud to help and so proud to have you as my friend, you are the only thing in my day that i don't dread, from the second i wake all i think about is talking to you, it is the highlight of my day.

Karen, standing up for yourself is a long journey to master, i am still learning to stand up for myself, i isolate so i don't have to, it has taken a big toll on me standing up for myself, i have had several breakdowns having to protect myself from nasty people. Karen make sure you protect your rights, that is all you have.

The anxiety is bad, my heart is racing so hard, i can't figure out why i am so anxious lately, it is almost constant now, sleep is sparatic, and i am SH so badly, not good.

I would love for you to sit with me for a while, but please Karen if you need to sleep, please do, i know how you need it.

The shower was nice, i sat in the shower for almost 40 min, just let the hot water wash over me. it is all i have to calm me now.

Karen how is your eye sight?

[hiddenite]

My eyesight hasn't been good but what I have noticed in the morning my blood pressure is quite low. Then I'm taking medication to make it lower. I think it's got something to do with that. But trying to convince someone is hard. When I get home I'll stop taking it to see if that is the cause.

OhJacques I'm so sorry you aren't getting a break from the anxiety you must be exhausted. It makes me sad to hear that the sh is worse.

I wish there was something I could do to help.

I feel guilty that you help me so much and take care of me. I would like to help you as much as you do for me.

What can I do to help j?

[hiddenite]

Sorry Jacques the night meds have just kicked in.

My thoughts are with you please get some rest. If I can do anything for you please tell me

Take care

Karen

[Jacques]

Oh Karen please be careful, i know how messing around with blood pressure medication can be very dangerous, i would be upset if you did harm by changing what you are prescribed.  Maybe talk to your doctor when you get home, tell him/her that you feel it is too low.

I am so sad to hear your eye sight is not good, i am pleading with you to see a optomitrist, they will not cancle your license, i read up online about people with the same problem as you and have got the problem fixed by going to see an optomitrist, and they never lost their license.

I am exhausted all the time, and the SH is the only way to get a few minutes relief, i think my life style and feeling trapped is getting to me that is all.

Oh Karen, please do not feel guilty, you have no idea what you have done to help me, i would not be alive if it was not for you, and you are the only thing that gets me up of a morning, talking to you is the only thing i look forward to every day.  That is more than i could ever ask for.

[MockingJay]

Again with the negative disposition. I sense a lot of intense unresolved pent up anger. Am I the only one who notices this??? I think I'll let sleeping dogs lie.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @jamesle2015

Welcome to the forum

I think it is to your credit that you continue to work while struggling with a MI.

When I worked in the retail and hospitality industries ... I had to deal with a lot of rudeness .. and still see it around when I am out and about ... but I also keep an eye out for the good people and the good interactions ... sometimes a small honest interaction with a salesperson can be refreshing and lift my mood.

Hope to see more of your posts.

[Jacques]

Sweet dreams my angel, please remember you are not alone, i am always with you, just close your eyes and i will be their.

I can't wait to talk to you tomorrow.

Good night my friend.

Jacques